#19

好纳闷, 对现实好不耐烦

多两天就要考试了, 对考试完全没有信心

好像出国, 如果有个有钱的丈夫来共我挺好的 呵呵

但是人生没有这么好啦, 要的东西得自己努力去赚

所以 明年, 안녕하세요 다한밍국 ♡ 

明年好想去好多好多国家, 

화이팅 짜루씨 ー□ 頑張って! □

#18

Deleted my instagram account, because my original purpose is lost.

I probably shouldn't have such accounts, they may just worsen my depression and stuff you know, dwelling in too much negativity can drown you in negativity.

But I did create another account which I actually wanted to use as a super private account for my rants but its probably useless anyway since I write too bitchily so I created the account for me to record short bits of me singing crap and well yeah doing short covers of songs that I felt like singing.

And as the prelims come closer, my sense of panic heightens and my stress level increases, pushing my hypersomnia into overdrive, so I can probably sleep 3 times a day with no problems, you know.

Gonna leave a short poem here.

Maybe what 
We always see
As what we want
Is not what we need.

In fact
What we hate
What is horrible to us
(bitter and gross)
Is what we need
To make ourselves better.

Stay strong don't lose hope and all the best to everyone in their endeavours!

#17

I'm a horribly insensitive person.

In my haste to be funny, I posted on ig something that may have triggers on the ed people and I didn't think about that. I'm indeed horrible.

Sometimes I tend to blurt out my thoughts in its rawest, unprocessed form that can be truly harmful and too honest for some people...actually most. I tease people thinking that it is humorous, but after thinking about it, it was probably too mean and insulting.

I am sorry to offend people, and I try to watch my words and deliver them in a more 'packaged' and less blunt manner, but then again, it would seem fake. I really find it stressful and tiring to live in a society where too much or too little of anything is always frowned upon. It is like finding a needle in a haystack - trying to find perfection in an imperfect world, an imperfect person, and an imperfect society that expects perfection without repercussions.

This is my blog post since very long, because I went on a holiday to China. I enjoyed myself there, and wished I could stay there, because the life there is much more peaceful than here, especially Hangzhou, where they do not like to rush to do things...or as my tour guide puts in the ugly form, 'lazy'. But it is considerably a good trait, seeing that nobody is overly stressed from rushing to work or anything else. Stress is inevitable in our lives, but we can choose to embrace it, or let it crush us. Not everybody that chooses to embrace this stress gets to live peacefully because sometimes, this thing called stress, still crushes us anyway.

Despite the existance of stress, there is also something called happiness in our lives. What I personally feel is that happiness is all due from our perspective. So for me, happiness comes when I can travel far from Singapore and enjoy myself thoroughly, yet an acquaintance of mine, finds joy in just returning to her grandparents' house in Malaysia. Happiness is everywhere, but it is how we choose to embrace it. Like for some people, they may seek happiness in studying, but for people like me who are more towards physical than intellectual, studying tends to be a chore, a burden, a source of worry and stress.

Exams are coming in a week's time, and I have yet to study. Slept for 18 hours at least today, and I'm still trying to get used to no air-con and high air humidity in Singapore.

I have a goal, which is to fly to Korea, and Los Angeles by 2015. I'm intending on dropping out of school for a year, but I'm afraid I'll get too slack and just forgo university studies completely. Mind over matter, I guess.

stay strong and don't lose faith.

#16

Sick and tired ugh. 3 more days till I fly off, and I really want a window seat. I hope by then I'm 75% onto recovery, so I don't miss out on a lot of food in China :X

Yesterday went on a shopping spree with sis. There were some really awesome things, but it ended up with both of us not really satisfied with the amount of clothes we bought (note to self: that's equivalent to turning into a shopaholic sigh)

I'm considering on taking a break from studies sfter my A levels. Idk if that is a good choice, but I think regarding my condition now, it's best that I do take the break...so after June I really have to study really hard.

화이팅, 나야...stay strong huns xx

#15

The dark holds many secrets, frightening or not.

I'm just spooked after reading many scary stories while facing a (slight) stomach ache.

I wish I have a dog or cat so that they can accompany me while I sleep, yet again, them being beings with heightened sensitivity, it would be quite scary to see it staring into space and whining or barking fiercely at it.

Or I can have my boyfriend. But he is sleeping in his air-conditioned room without the blasted imagination playing tricks on him so lucky him ugh while here I am lying in bed and listening to songs on shuffle to calm my damn nerves and pretend that I wasn't exposed ugh.

Sometimes I wish I can see spiritual entities but at times like this, I'll probably sprint off if I was even offered such an ability, because let's face it, who doesn't get freaked out by floating things that only you can see? (And maybe those psychics that can sense it.)

Anyway I'm glad I'm a coward at times because once I really wanted to try Ouija boards but after reading about it I'd probably throw it away even if I get it as a gift. And there was once I really wanted to watch some paranormal horror movie about some mirror thing (but I forgot the name of the movie darn) but I ended up having some really weird experiences so I didn't go. But I gotta clarify - I didn't know anything about its contents, just the title of the movie until the weird experiences and then I decided to search on it...and immediately did not want to watch it anymore, cause I doubt I want to develop paranoid thoughts about mirrors, so that's that.

Fear isn't something nice to experience, so yeah if you are a scaredy-cat like me at night then don't read/listen to spooky stories at night alright, it seriously unsettles your nerves and makes you start thinking of things you don't want to think of...and yeah.

Though my post isn't really anything close to what I usually post, I guess it's nice to have a slight change of air from my usual moody ones.

Stay strong, hunnies, I love you all. ♡

#14

11 more days till I fly off.

I should be in Vietnam now if there wasn't any anti-Chinese sentiments there. But oh well, no one foresees anything.

I want to migrate to other countries, but what are my chances? New language, new environment etc...just sigh.

Just, stay strong.

#13

Tearless,
She lay in bed,
While her heart bleeds its pain.
Whilst she laughs like a loon,
Yet only no one knew,
She felt like a fool,
For living so well.
The happy pills she had,
No longer gave the tears she shed,
For they numbed her so bad,
Until she made her skin cry,
For that's how she try
To keep herself sane
Until her last breath came.

#12

I don't know if this is considered binging...but I drank a large Sharetea with mini pearls and coffee jelly, 8 tamago maki sushi, 3/4 of a oily pepper lunch set and 1/2 of a pepper lunch pasta aligo something. Before that I had like 2/5 of my bread from Peck...and I feel darn full right now from eating those, ugh. Feel like throwing it up to ease the fullness but I just don't really want to throw up.

Today had school, and I had a massive headache, probably from the blow I dealt myself last Friday. Really hate myself at times at how stupid and careless I can be to even hit my head like that. I guess my stupidity is really extensive.

I don't know who I am now. Like sometimes you get this sort of dislike about yourself that you don't really view yourself as you, but rather like a third person. And I feel like I'm crap whenever I think about myself, like I can be so damn idiotic and lame when I reply other people to the extent that my inner self is cringing in shame at myself. And I'm definitely irritating, being myself and with my stupid antics.

Forget it I don't know what I'm blabbering about.

Stay strong, you guys, don't lose hope ♡