#17

I'm a horribly insensitive person.

In my haste to be funny, I posted on ig something that may have triggers on the ed people and I didn't think about that. I'm indeed horrible.

Sometimes I tend to blurt out my thoughts in its rawest, unprocessed form that can be truly harmful and too honest for some people...actually most. I tease people thinking that it is humorous, but after thinking about it, it was probably too mean and insulting.

I am sorry to offend people, and I try to watch my words and deliver them in a more 'packaged' and less blunt manner, but then again, it would seem fake. I really find it stressful and tiring to live in a society where too much or too little of anything is always frowned upon. It is like finding a needle in a haystack - trying to find perfection in an imperfect world, an imperfect person, and an imperfect society that expects perfection without repercussions.

This is my blog post since very long, because I went on a holiday to China. I enjoyed myself there, and wished I could stay there, because the life there is much more peaceful than here, especially Hangzhou, where they do not like to rush to do things...or as my tour guide puts in the ugly form, 'lazy'. But it is considerably a good trait, seeing that nobody is overly stressed from rushing to work or anything else. Stress is inevitable in our lives, but we can choose to embrace it, or let it crush us. Not everybody that chooses to embrace this stress gets to live peacefully because sometimes, this thing called stress, still crushes us anyway.

Despite the existance of stress, there is also something called happiness in our lives. What I personally feel is that happiness is all due from our perspective. So for me, happiness comes when I can travel far from Singapore and enjoy myself thoroughly, yet an acquaintance of mine, finds joy in just returning to her grandparents' house in Malaysia. Happiness is everywhere, but it is how we choose to embrace it. Like for some people, they may seek happiness in studying, but for people like me who are more towards physical than intellectual, studying tends to be a chore, a burden, a source of worry and stress.

Exams are coming in a week's time, and I have yet to study. Slept for 18 hours at least today, and I'm still trying to get used to no air-con and high air humidity in Singapore.

I have a goal, which is to fly to Korea, and Los Angeles by 2015. I'm intending on dropping out of school for a year, but I'm afraid I'll get too slack and just forgo university studies completely. Mind over matter, I guess.

stay strong and don't lose faith.