#15

The dark holds many secrets, frightening or not.

I'm just spooked after reading many scary stories while facing a (slight) stomach ache.

I wish I have a dog or cat so that they can accompany me while I sleep, yet again, them being beings with heightened sensitivity, it would be quite scary to see it staring into space and whining or barking fiercely at it.

Or I can have my boyfriend. But he is sleeping in his air-conditioned room without the blasted imagination playing tricks on him so lucky him ugh while here I am lying in bed and listening to songs on shuffle to calm my damn nerves and pretend that I wasn't exposed ugh.

Sometimes I wish I can see spiritual entities but at times like this, I'll probably sprint off if I was even offered such an ability, because let's face it, who doesn't get freaked out by floating things that only you can see? (And maybe those psychics that can sense it.)

Anyway I'm glad I'm a coward at times because once I really wanted to try Ouija boards but after reading about it I'd probably throw it away even if I get it as a gift. And there was once I really wanted to watch some paranormal horror movie about some mirror thing (but I forgot the name of the movie darn) but I ended up having some really weird experiences so I didn't go. But I gotta clarify - I didn't know anything about its contents, just the title of the movie until the weird experiences and then I decided to search on it...and immediately did not want to watch it anymore, cause I doubt I want to develop paranoid thoughts about mirrors, so that's that.

Fear isn't something nice to experience, so yeah if you are a scaredy-cat like me at night then don't read/listen to spooky stories at night alright, it seriously unsettles your nerves and makes you start thinking of things you don't want to think of...and yeah.

Though my post isn't really anything close to what I usually post, I guess it's nice to have a slight change of air from my usual moody ones.

Stay strong, hunnies, I love you all. ♡

#14

11 more days till I fly off.

I should be in Vietnam now if there wasn't any anti-Chinese sentiments there. But oh well, no one foresees anything.

I want to migrate to other countries, but what are my chances? New language, new environment etc...just sigh.

Just, stay strong.

#13

Tearless,
She lay in bed,
While her heart bleeds its pain.
Whilst she laughs like a loon,
Yet only no one knew,
She felt like a fool,
For living so well.
The happy pills she had,
No longer gave the tears she shed,
For they numbed her so bad,
Until she made her skin cry,
For that's how she try
To keep herself sane
Until her last breath came.

#12

I don't know if this is considered binging...but I drank a large Sharetea with mini pearls and coffee jelly, 8 tamago maki sushi, 3/4 of a oily pepper lunch set and 1/2 of a pepper lunch pasta aligo something. Before that I had like 2/5 of my bread from Peck...and I feel darn full right now from eating those, ugh. Feel like throwing it up to ease the fullness but I just don't really want to throw up.

Today had school, and I had a massive headache, probably from the blow I dealt myself last Friday. Really hate myself at times at how stupid and careless I can be to even hit my head like that. I guess my stupidity is really extensive.

I don't know who I am now. Like sometimes you get this sort of dislike about yourself that you don't really view yourself as you, but rather like a third person. And I feel like I'm crap whenever I think about myself, like I can be so damn idiotic and lame when I reply other people to the extent that my inner self is cringing in shame at myself. And I'm definitely irritating, being myself and with my stupid antics.

Forget it I don't know what I'm blabbering about.

Stay strong, you guys, don't lose hope ♡

#11

1st June, and my hypersomniac self is at work today. I slept like 14.5 hours and I still feel sleepy. I don't know what to feel for this because it is obviously a sign that I'd relapse but I don't want it to come, but I don't do anything to stop it. And I feel worse when I see those girls with ednos and they are trying their hardest to beat their brains to not relapse, and here is me, sleeping all the time and not even trying to break out of the cycle. I've even lost hopes for recovering from deb, since I'm always so reliant on the fucking anti-depressants. I can see myself submitting to the medicines and being a hopeless bitch that relies on others for help. I don't know anymore, maybe I ought to sleep this out or something. If that even works. Stay strong lovelies, don't lose hope like me.

#10

Don't leave me alone,
For the seed that they planted,
Has started to grow in my head,
And he has come to feed.

Don't leave me alone,
For he has come to feed
Who resides in my head,
And haunts me in the dark.

Don't leave me alone,
For he resides in my head,
That comes out when I fall,
And he makes me fall harder.

Don't leave me alone,
For the seed that fed,
That bared my soul,
Leaving me to fester with the dead.

_______________________

Doesn't rhyme but that's what I feel whenever I dropped to the depths of what any human can feel.

Holidays have started, but I feel tired. Sigh. Gonna sleep early tonight and do homework tomorrow.

♡ Anyway, stay strong lovelies, I love all of you no matter how broken you are ♡

#9

Thought it'd be okay for me to post a picture of this doll head that's supposedly scary but ended up looking cute and curly hair.

Today is the last studying day of school for this term.

I'm fucking tired and I really want to go home and sleep my zzz's away. BUT no, there's a Civics lesson on abortion later and afterwards there could be tuition. Unless I cancel it, which I will because I have yet to do the work she assigned me and I don't want to waste tuition funds like that. And tomorrow, there's an event called Sports Day where I just wear my house tee and stand there and cheer for my house which I don't really look forward to at this point in time. Like I want to skip this event but hey my attendance is gonna be so screwed and my dad will think that I'm such a pig for being so lazy to go to school for even a short few hours even while not studying then my dad will holler at me for being such a irresponsible liar and I'll feel guilty and conflicted and thoughts of I want to hurt myself comes out stronger and I'm not even gonna recover in that state.

fuck this I really hate people who chew with shutting their mouths making the sort of chewing sound that sounds so fucking disgusting all thanks to misophonia that stupid load that had to jump on the bandwagon of mine. And I hate a lot of things which makes me a failure in life because I can't even socialize well anymore. 

Tbh the previous post was something that I have no idea what I was typing to be bluntly honest, so pardon me if I don't sound like anyone with common sense. In fact at this hungry and tired state coupled with a headache I doubt anything I say makes sense at all anyway.

okay fuck this 

I am really sorry whenever I rant I tend to go on and on and on and on without stopping and I am pretty sure I sound like some stuck up bitch that can't accept that life cannot go the way I want it to be and that's an insult. Well..like the bimbos I guess. But I don't feel bimbo. Neither do real bimbos so who am I to say whether I'm a bimbo? 

Really hungry now. I just hope I don't get gastric pain again that fucktard of a stomach cramp hurts like a motherfucking bitch. And now my head hurts like a bitch.

Today is just not my day. 

Stay strong lovelies and beat the hell out of those shitty things they call mental illnesses/disorders because they ain't got any right to disrupt lives like that so kick 'em in the ass and send them away to non-existent things like Pluto and your fake thoughts on yourself.

Summary? I ranted and you readers gotta stay strong and talk to me if you aren't okay because I'll be here for you. My kik is tlrouvset or in other words the name of my blog yay.

♡ love you all ttyl next time ♡